End of the Road

I have to be honest. I am really not in a good place right now. I can remember exactly one full, proper meal that I’ve eaten in the last fortnight or so, and I haven’t slept in two days. It’s not great.

But what’s bothering me is the fact that this is it. For me, this is all I get. For various reasons, I don’t get to have a career. I don’t get to get married and have lots of babies. So this is it. I can’t work a regular job, so I guess I’m just going to have to stay living with my mother until I die in about thirty years. I’m not just being negative, it’s just the situation that I was born into.

That doesn’t make it fair though. I don’t have money, I don’t have health, I don’t have happiness, and I won’t ever get any of those things. Chronic illness is a bitch. I’m naturally a very ambitious person, I can’t accept things being as they are especially when I know that in some parallel timeline I could have should have. The only way I’ll ever get close to being able to have a life is if I miraculously get a stroke of inspiration and get really really REALLY lucky. New zealand isn’t a good place to be ambitious even for the healthiest of people.

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Creators and Jobs

I’m a big believer in doing what you want to do and what will make you happy. Unfortunately nowadays it’s impossible to survive on twenty bucks here, and ten bucks there. So that makes it difficult for those of us who begin to suffocate at the mere thought of having some boring office job.

Of course this is all our fault because we’re entitled millennials who have no work ethic 😉

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Boredom :/

Even though I am definitely not a trained professional or in any other position to tell you about this with any authority, and ‘this’ is just my experience, I’m going to talk about it anyway. Just because.

If you’re anything like me, you get bored very very easily. Seriously, if I’m not being challenged ALL the time, or if I’m working on one thing for too long, I get bored and I stop caring. This is varying degrees of bad. If it’s on like a school project, I stop caring about it and end up inevitably getting a pretty average grade in comparison to what I could have gotten had I cared enough. Continue reading

Patchwork People

Does it ever seem like parts of your personality don’t match up to your life and/or experiences? Like the random splash of colour on a monochromatic scheme (didn’t mean for that to be so dark) or kind of like you’re made up of patchwork traits that come from your alternate selves.

I think of these traits as snippets from my ‘parallel existences’ if you will. The five other lives that I feel I should have had, as they’d make more sense and match up better with my personality. Continue reading