My cat is a hardened criminal

This beautiful kitten is named Lupin, and affectionately known to us as ‘The Shnoops”. Look at his little face. He’s just chilling in his box. What a darling.


EXCEPT HE ISN’T. The Shnoop is a hardened criminal.

He sits in these boxes, for these perfectly posed pictures, and it’s all a ruse. A clever disguise so that nobody will ever believe us when we tell people ‘The Way of The Shnoop”.

You can bet that he is an absolute angel when visitors come. He must keep up appearances after all.


A list of today’s crimes:

  1. Breaking and entering a neighbours home
  2. dumpster diving
  3. bites
  4. attempting to sneak into the room with the mice so he can eat them
  5. stealing food
  6. knocking everything off the table
  7. being a butt.

img_6907 Proof of his rubbish bin antics.

He does this multiple times a day, on the hunt for food scraps. He meows at strangers, begging them for snacks as if we don’t feed him two whole kitty food pouches a day, as well as the food he swipes from our plates. Which we don’t allow. But he is relentless. He once climbed to my head/shoulder to try and get a pizza crust I was holding. No amount of discipline or hissing will stop his thieving ways. Or stop him lounging on the kitchen counters. (Which I clean every day, don’t worry). There is absolutely no way to tame The Shnoop.


Insert proof of his rubbish bin thievery.


There I was. Lounging casually in bed. Playing the sims, waiting for my man to come home. I hear something. It sounds like a rustling… an aggressive rustling. Who could it be? I’m the only one here, just me and my kitten. I stop, I look up, in search of the source of the offending sound. There I see, a bag of rubbish, with a fluffy little tail sticking out of it.

The darling Shnoop had ripped open a bag of rubbish, simply to attempt to scavenge an old marshmallow I had thrown away. As you can see, he claimed his prize.

One of his finer moments was when we tried to litter train him early on, using his longed-for treats. Another thing he desperately hunts whenever he senses their presence. We started giving him these treats every time he used his litter box. It was working well, I saw him use his box and he came to me proudly to collect his treats, which I gave to him along with more than enough praise. About fifteen minutes later, I went to grab something out of my brand new very expensive laptop bag. Which was soaked in pee. (Cat pee, just to clarify). So the Shnoop was either very clever, and figured out he only had to pretend in order to get his treats, or very dumb and didn’t realise that sitting in the box means actually using it.

This happened on more than one occasion.


In this photo, he used every little brain cell in his furry head to figure out how to get to the top of this bookshelf, even though he had seen me remove the plate. But he couldn’t risk there being some gravy he didn’t smear all over his nose. So, up he climbs. He ended up getting stuck, but didn’t want to ask for help and was very prepared to make his life up there.

You can see his rounded lil tummy. Clearly, we do feed him.


He also bites. A lot. I have hundreds of bite marks and scratches all over my hands, arms, feet, and legs. He’s got very sharp teeth. He doesn’t have worms either, he is just truly greedy.


The Shnoop lives life by his own laws. Sometimes, this includes disappearing to be found snoozing on a neighbours couch. Sometimes it means litter fraud. All we can do is hope that one day, he will feel some remorse for his crimes.


Ps: We literally have a piece of paper stuck to the bathroom door labeled “Shnoops criminal record” for when we have to put him in the bathroom aka kitty prison. It’s serious business.


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